Dear Jargon,Of all the euphemisms in all the world, you had to walk into mine.
Words cannot express how surprised I was to see you today. If I'd known you were coming, I'd have realigned my facial expressions to standard neutral (Authorised Version 0.2) lest you detected from the furrow of my brow the rather negative way in which I internally framed your presence. The chair person, my co-workers and the facilitator seemed barely to notice your ambulation to a seated posture in the beige chair placed at an non-threatening and power-neutral position at the round table. But I have been out of the loop for some time and as such I suspect I missed the option to take up my place on the language refinement and obfuscation panel.
To do you credit, you were orally restrained for an undetermined period of time before vocalising your opposition to the continuation of the use of a designated phrase within one of our governing instruments. Specifically, constitutional document subsection 5 paragraph 3.2 in which are described the needs of persons of male, female or no gender to whom we may lawfully provide our services. I'm sorry that I exhibited an inappropriate and audible response when you suggested that we should exchange a clear expression for a neologism; I just thought you were making a jocular aside at the manner in which there is a growing tendency to obscure the truth by using such vague words and circumlocutions that nobody actually understands what on earth is really being said.
As such, you were almost certainly correct to reprimand me for suggesting making this change was to draw a parallel with the use of the expressions friendly fire, collateral damage, or reputational injury. I am sure that many people would entirely understand what you mean when you refer to someone as having issues with their affective well-being. It simply serves to illustrate that I don't think far enough outside the box, push the envelope or stare at the blue sky often enough. And I simply cannot even remember the last time I lined up my ducks.
Please convey my sincere and deeply held apologies to the Ministry of Paperclips and reassure them that I will put myself forward as a candidate for the experimental language re-programming experience at the soonest possible opportunity.
Yours neutrally,
412068-000-K-J-J
I take it you now understand why some months ago I placed my name on the waiting list for those wishing to colonize the moon –- or Mars – or maybe even an underwater fish farm.
ReplyDeleteWhile you are waiting for your turn to take part in the colonization of some place far beyond the reach of those who have too much time on their hands, I would suggest that you occupy your spare hours continuing the work of Dr. Johnson. My assumption is that you are a direct-line descendant.
Hope your Thor's Day is everything you want it to be, Katy.
really Katy Im disappointed in you, Im so out of the loop I think first footed is a new phrase. Try throwing spherical collaboration into the mix, just for the crack, and see when it comes back to you - it will you know!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat fun!
ReplyDeletePhrases like 'thinking outside the box' and 'out of the loop' do have a use, though, however much we may detest them. They can allow people to build more complex ideas out of these small building blocks without having to constantly re-examine the thought process that led to the construction of each idea.
Unfortunatley they often become a substitute for thinking. They also become a barrier for the exclusion of those who don't know the lingo.
Sorry - I know the article wasn't intended to be analysed on that level.
Just found this on the BBC news site: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7457287.stm
ReplyDeleteAs they say: "enjoy"
Well Fram, next time you've got that Mars transfer list to hand, please add my name. Jargon, jargon everywhere nor yet a drop to think...
ReplyDeleteThursday was good, thank you - saw a huge flock of parakeets in the park again - and I was in beautiful Greenwich again on Friday. But today's Saturday and I've had a wonderful sunny day of rummaging around and not doing very much at all. Fabulous!
I hope you're having a good day too.
Spherical collaboration sounds like an operation which one might only describe in hushed tones, a la Les Dawson. I will try it at the next jargon-ridden meeting I'm at and see what happens... Thank you for the tip Liz :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Rod, and thank you for your kind words. You're quite right, it's the use of phrases like these as the substitute for thinking that bugs me. Like conducting a conversation made up only of cliches and nothing else - sort of playing 'sound bite tag' (or BS bingo...).
ReplyDeleteI have a little secret personal rule that I will go to all possible lengths to avoid using the word 'strategic' - quite a challenge when you work in business development...
Thank you for visiting, and for the link - it's great! Excellent :-)
What a great post, really made me laugh, brilliant. I just popped over from chicgeek's blog. I'll definitley be back,
ReplyDeleteHappy day madame paperclip,
Selchie.))
Hello Selchie! Glad you enjoyed the post :-)Great to see you here - thank you for your very kind words and for visiting.
ReplyDeleteMadame paperclip - I love that! I think I shall introduce myself using that name at all meetings I go to from now onwards :-)